Well, I failed. As per usual.
This blog originally started as a 'new beginning'. An outlet to quench the desire to shout and bawl and get upset and get it all out of my system. It was all going so well, and then real-life and other 'stuff' halted it in its tracks, then I got out of the routine of posting, then I completely forgot about it, then it just became another one of those projects that I started, and didn't continue with or get it to a 'final state'. I even had draft posts semi-written up, almost ready to get added to my rantings, but never quite managed it.
What an idiot.
It's weird though, in the last week, three different people have asked me about this blog. I'm not going to say 'This post is dedicated to you, you know who you are', well, I MIGHT, but I still remonstrate defiantly that this blog is more for me than for you, or you, or you, or you (I pointed at the 4 'corners' of the globe there, how very old school, biblical (and of course, uninformed) of me.
Read about the origins of my old-schoolery here
Today, I have made the decision that this blog needs to carry on, spewing forth its late night rambles, its angst and its concerns for the universe, its despair at the auditory drivel that some of earth's creatures allow themselves to be subjected to, its nonsensical insanity and its semi-senile, prophetic disillusions. I am at THAT 'crossroads' in life, where I need to prioritise, where I need to get all the unfinished projects to a final point, tidy things up to a point where I feel I can let them rest, or, stop dwelling on them completely and call them dead and buried. All the unfinished, messed up nonsense is getting in the way of the life I should be living.
I've been at that crossroads many a time, and failed every time, or have begun to get things in order, but then forgotten what I was doing, and let things get out of shape and all wrong again. Not this time. This time I mean it. I think. Yes, yes I am sure. Totally. Well, hopefully. For definite.
I am about to embark on the biggest 'project' of my life.
The culmination of all I've learnt, all that I've seen, all the things I've wanted to do for a long time.
I am currently in the middle of looking at setting up my own business. With me, the outspoken 'director' of a team of hugely talented individuals, all with a similar drive and passion to me, all who have the desire and potential to work for themselves. It's been something long in the making, revising, streamlining, forgetting about, resurrecting, revising, streamlining, learning for, but I think it's now starting to approach something like a real possibility.
All this coming from a very poorly educated background. Not saying that I am, personally, uneducated or stupid. I know I'm not, but, the education I received from school did more damage than good, and the grades I got, and, more-over, the qualifications I DIDN'T get, speak for themselves. Even though I was semi-autistic at Maths as a kid, I got a D at GCSE level. Even though my grasp of the English language is, and always was, very high, I got 2 B's (Language and Literature), whereas I should, really have gone on to do both at A Level. The only other thing I 'passed' (C or above) at the simple GCSE level was Computer Studies, and I don't remember anything about it. It was a year long course, and we were pretty much given the answers to the exam, and, it was in 1992/3 and there were hardly any computers even in the school, and it certainly isn't anything like the computer world that is out there these days, so it's pretty much an irrelevant accolade.
We did Business Studies. I hated it. I didn't understand a lot of it, and, again, I don't remember any of it. I got a D. So, why in that void beyond the clouds am I thinking I can run my own business. Well, I doubt myself every day, and every time I think about sitting down to do work and reading and finding out and self-educating about the whole subject, but I'm still here, with this in my hands, heart and mind as a major possibility.
The whole plan started back in around 2002-2003, and then came back for round two a couple of years later, a team was sort of set up, things were starting to take shape, research was done, meetings were had, but, it didn't happen. In hindsight it was a shame, but, in hindsight again, I don't think it was the right time. Now though, around 6 years later, the idea is still more than relevant, and it's been burning holes in my sanity all throughout, so, I have re-assembled something of a new team, (with a couple of people from the original line up), and there is currently a lot more work being done with a view to get this show firmly on the road, with an unstoppable entourage of ideas, passion and hope at the core.
You will see I've given absolutely nothing away. Not yet.
Hopefully soon though, this plan will come into fruition, whether it does or it doesn't though, I'm definitely going to have a bloody good go. I don't want to leave this earth, (for good, in a final state, on my only attempt at life, I'm not coming back, I've not been here before, I'm not going to another plane), having not 'gone for it', having not made some kind of impact. It's just not how I am.
First though, I am on the mission to sort out everything outstanding, to fix everything that is wrong, to finish or bury everything that is unfinished. To leave me with just a few things in my life that are the most important to me, and to make sure all is well, healthy and 'normal' even. Fresh clean slate of a start, and then I can get on with the rest of my life, knowing that I am the best I can be, ready for just one final challenge. If it can help stand me in good stead to get out of the rat-race of 'working for the man', and also take a few awesome people away from it at the same time, then bring it on. I'm ready.
Onward and upward so they say.