Nothing like a good bit of illness to make you feel better!

When I was somewhere in my late teens (my brain says 19, but my logical structure thought process isn't convinced), I had tonsilitis and glandular fever at the same time.

It wasn't fun.

Not even close.

I didn't leave the house for a long while.

Illness is a weird thing. Given the right circumstances it can induce some sort of weird catharsis when coming out of it, and enlightenment whilst in the grips of it. I was barely able to function for the first couple of weeks of that time, but as soon as it loosened its clutches around my (absolutely pain drenched) throat and neck, I had to find ways of passing the time.

My dad had 2 Oxford English Dictionaries, the 'shorter' versions I'd guess they were called, but, there is still in excess of 3,500 pages of it, full of words, quotes, icons, figures of mythology and history, information, so, of course, whilst delirious with illness I decided to set about reading both of these, AND took notes to boot. Many pages of mad scribbles, illegible sentences made up around these words that were intended for insane song lyrics, some of which made it, some formed the basis of the idea for one of the earlier bands I started, Tangaroa (a name found in said books), and some of which I still have now, some took up finality in the piece I wrote 'Day One Promise', but most still languishes, unfinished, un-used.

It opened up a whole new world though, gave me some kind of focus to keep on going each day, as well as maybe also making me feel like I was experiencing some kind of psychosis at the same time.



Somewhere else around my late teen state, I had a wisdom tooth out, and was laid up for a long while with a massive square jaw, lots of pain and at least two weeks of house-bound time to pass. I seem to remember some similar kind of psychosis and catharsis engulfing me, but I can't quite grasp what happened this time. Weird how your brain can block some times out. Even though I know I was there, it all definitely happened, but I just can't unblur the facts.

I've been off work for what is now coming up to three weeks. I've had physical illness, but deeply seated in there also is just pure exhaustion and utter depression. I just don't feel like I can fight all the shit anymore. I just don't feel like running, or even walking, or even crawling in stages up the hills. If this is the catharsis that I'm going to garner from this situation then I'm very much not impressed. If this is the great light at the end of this particular tunnel then I definitely got on the wrong fucking train at the start of the journey! However, I'm not going to argue, I just don't have the energy, and it would do me no good, so I'm just going to accept things, once again, and I'm still listening to The Orb from a few hours ago, and I only managed a couple of hours sleep, and tomorrow is another day, and things can only get better and whatever world full of clichés I can muster up to help me get through.

I feel quite gutted that D:Ream made the 'things can only get better' line so horrible to say out loud though. At least Brian Cox is now up to something a bit more impressive these days.

It's going to be a long day I feel. I might just have to go back to bed and try to sleep some more.

Why deny us our right to be healthy?

So, after feeling like, because of the change of season I might start feeling a bit better and struggling less, I've got ill! Typical eh. I've been feeling a little rough for a little while, although, to be honest, I've not really felt 100% for a lot of years, always got the edgings of a cold or feeling a tad run down. Tuesday night though, them goddamn flu feelings started to riddle my limbs and muscles, and then Wednesday morning I woke up with a throat feeling like it was being stabbed with lobotomy ice picks, a head that felt bashed again the wall, the sides of my neck feeling swollen and sore, and my body felt like it had been dragged down the stairs backwards a few times.

Lovely time! I think not.

So, I am currently off work. I'll probably be pulled into the office and given a 'talk' about my sickness, despite being fully aware. I don't particularly WANT to be off, I don't want to be ill, but, I don't have any choice in the matter.

Some of you may say, 'if you've REALLY got flu...' or 'if you've got the flu REALLY bad, you wouldn't be out of bed, you wouldn't be able to move, you wouldn't be able to sit at a computer and do this', well, see my previous posts. I have a compulsion to do something, and whilst I am sat here, massively uncomfortable, actually in pain, especially in my back, I can't just wallow in bed.

Lots of reading about Influenza

It brings me onto a point though (that rarely happens)... Since the flu jab is available, why isn't it available FOR EVERYONE!!! We all pay National Insurance / taxes / contribute somehow (well, most of us do anyway), so why are there only certain types of people eligible for this? Surely it's in the interest of every single business with staff out there that their workforce have more opportunity to be healthy. Surely it's in the interest of the surgeries and hospitals to give us more chance to make less visits to their services, passing on the illness to other people in the waiting rooms whilst we're at it. Surely it just makes sense that since there is actually something of a preventative measure out there for something that affects a large percentage of the human race at some point, we should be allowed to have it?

After a little bit of a read up (following the links from THIS site), it seems that not ALL people would be able to have it. Vegans are ruled out, but surely, given how advanced our scientists actually are these days, now that they've managed to work out a way of creating a vaccine out of hen's eggs, they can then recreate it synthetically, without the use of anything to do with animals? Or, am I just missing the point of humans trying to prove that they are the superior race on this planet so let's keep using the animals for our whims...

That's an entirely different rant I guess.

Poultry workers get the vaccine, but I don't.
There are 7 criteria for the vaccine, and I don't fit into any of them, despite being someone who pays the usual 30% (THIRTY PERCENT!!! what an absolute injustice this really is!) of my EARNT, slogged for, survived for, kept healthy for, wage.

Just because I'm not old, pregnant, caring for someone or slaughtering chickens, it means I can't have a chance at being saved from getting ill, spreading the virus to others that don't fit the criteria.



I know it's possible to pay for it, but why the hell should I? Seriously. I already pay out pretty much everything I earn, if it's not for tax and NI, it's for being able to live somewhere, then tax because of where I live, then for food, then tax on each of the products I buy, then money for all the services I receive, to be able to live.

I know everyone knows all about this.
I had to get it out of my system though.
I just despair at times with how difficult and how much of a con living is.