Okay, so I didn't manage to post yesterday, but, the following morning early is almost good enough....
I woke up feeling rough this morning, again, as per, no change there then. About five hours sleep. What was different about it is that yesterday I didn't have an alcoholic drink. I will admit to having been 'on the sauce' quite a bit in the last month or so. At least once a day having some sort of drink. Red wine seems to be the tipple of choice at the moment, which is odd considering up until a year or two ago was never really fussed about red wine, except for when it felt naughty when I was about 13 or 14 at my parents' house. So, I DIDN'T drink, and I still felt rough. I may as well have had something then!
To those teetotallers out there, they're probably thinking 'Urgh, horrible, weakling, alkie' or something like that (hopefully not, because that would make you a cunt rather than open minded, but there you go!). At the moment, life is difficult, well, life has ALWAYS been difficult. Everything feels like an uphill struggle, and the reason I drink is because, even just for a few minutes or a couple of hours, the incessant nagging of life on my brain just quietens down a little, or goes somewhere else for a bit. That relief almost is the thing that keeps me sane and keeps me alive. I don't know if I'm being overly dramatic, but that's how it feels. Maybe it's more noticeable now it's coming up to Winter. I don't do well over these months, but I'm at least trying to be more positive coming into it. Trying to stay chipper as they say.
I'm blatantly going to get this quote wrong, but it's from memory and I'm not looking through half a dozen Doug Stanhope stand-up DVDs just to find one line (although, because the guy is fucking brilliant, I will no doubt watch them all again at some point, at which time I'll come back and correct the quote, and then have to edit all this ramble out as it will be redundant!!), but... ahem... yeah!
'Nobody drinks because they like the taste, they drink because they have to!'
I do rather like the taste, but, it does start to feel like it's more because I have to at the moment. Am sure things will change. I did stop drinking for about four years when I was in my late teens, I already drunk before that, a lot, but then knocked it on the head. I know I can get it under control, and just drink occasionally, but at this moment in time it doesn't feel like I want to. I know, for my health, especially over the colder months, I really probably should.
We shall see.
I seem to remember I've done this dance before on this blog already. I re-read through a load of the posts again since remembering this place existed, but I've not happened across that topic as yet, but, I'm sure it's in there. Well, here we go again!
Oh, and if you weren't aware, the title was actually more just a play on words, because tonight me and Sarah are going to see Death in Manchester. It's not the REAL Death band, since the main guy in the band (the singer, lead guitarist, song writer who got session musicians in to play the rest of the instruments / live) died a number of years ago. I am lucky in the respect that I got to see the REAL Death 'back in the day', and so I was dubious about going at first, but it should be a good laugh. It's a good excuse for a couple of days away with Sarah too, and we'll get to see her family over the weekend too, then return Saturday evening for an awesome fast gig that a mate is putting on, then on Sunday play an awesome slow gig with Sloth Hammer. Good times...
On a totally different note, here's a song from the album I am listening to right now, Rachels 'Systems Layers'. If you don't know it, listen. It's amazing. Dreamy, soundscapey, cello and piano led sounds, although this is one of the more 'hectic' songs on the record.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6EKvvrOsxE
I woke up feeling rough this morning, again, as per, no change there then. About five hours sleep. What was different about it is that yesterday I didn't have an alcoholic drink. I will admit to having been 'on the sauce' quite a bit in the last month or so. At least once a day having some sort of drink. Red wine seems to be the tipple of choice at the moment, which is odd considering up until a year or two ago was never really fussed about red wine, except for when it felt naughty when I was about 13 or 14 at my parents' house. So, I DIDN'T drink, and I still felt rough. I may as well have had something then!
To those teetotallers out there, they're probably thinking 'Urgh, horrible, weakling, alkie' or something like that (hopefully not, because that would make you a cunt rather than open minded, but there you go!). At the moment, life is difficult, well, life has ALWAYS been difficult. Everything feels like an uphill struggle, and the reason I drink is because, even just for a few minutes or a couple of hours, the incessant nagging of life on my brain just quietens down a little, or goes somewhere else for a bit. That relief almost is the thing that keeps me sane and keeps me alive. I don't know if I'm being overly dramatic, but that's how it feels. Maybe it's more noticeable now it's coming up to Winter. I don't do well over these months, but I'm at least trying to be more positive coming into it. Trying to stay chipper as they say.
I'm blatantly going to get this quote wrong, but it's from memory and I'm not looking through half a dozen Doug Stanhope stand-up DVDs just to find one line (although, because the guy is fucking brilliant, I will no doubt watch them all again at some point, at which time I'll come back and correct the quote, and then have to edit all this ramble out as it will be redundant!!), but... ahem... yeah!
'Nobody drinks because they like the taste, they drink because they have to!'
I do rather like the taste, but, it does start to feel like it's more because I have to at the moment. Am sure things will change. I did stop drinking for about four years when I was in my late teens, I already drunk before that, a lot, but then knocked it on the head. I know I can get it under control, and just drink occasionally, but at this moment in time it doesn't feel like I want to. I know, for my health, especially over the colder months, I really probably should.
We shall see.
I seem to remember I've done this dance before on this blog already. I re-read through a load of the posts again since remembering this place existed, but I've not happened across that topic as yet, but, I'm sure it's in there. Well, here we go again!
Oh, and if you weren't aware, the title was actually more just a play on words, because tonight me and Sarah are going to see Death in Manchester. It's not the REAL Death band, since the main guy in the band (the singer, lead guitarist, song writer who got session musicians in to play the rest of the instruments / live) died a number of years ago. I am lucky in the respect that I got to see the REAL Death 'back in the day', and so I was dubious about going at first, but it should be a good laugh. It's a good excuse for a couple of days away with Sarah too, and we'll get to see her family over the weekend too, then return Saturday evening for an awesome fast gig that a mate is putting on, then on Sunday play an awesome slow gig with Sloth Hammer. Good times...
On a totally different note, here's a song from the album I am listening to right now, Rachels 'Systems Layers'. If you don't know it, listen. It's amazing. Dreamy, soundscapey, cello and piano led sounds, although this is one of the more 'hectic' songs on the record.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6EKvvrOsxE
